The Psychology Behind Holiday Spending
December has a way of making money feel heavier than usual. Between the pressure to buy, give, host, and keep everything running, spending can quickly shift from intentional to emotional.
To understand why this happens, we spoke to psychotherapist Holli Rubin in this episode of The Wallet podcast about the psychology behind holiday spending. We unpacked what is really going on in the brain during December, why spending can bring short-term relief, and how shame, family expectations, and old money stories shape our choices more than we realise.
Listen on Spotify | Apple Podcasts
This conversation is not about cutting back for the sake of it or doing Christmas “right”. It is about understanding your responses, setting kinder boundaries, and approaching the festive season with more awareness and less pressure.
1. Christmas Pressure Comes From a Fantasy We’re Sold
“We’re sold this idea of the perfect Christmas.”
From mid-November onwards, we’re surrounded by images of how Christmas should look. Sparkle, generosity, abundance, joy. The pressure comes from trying to live up to a version of Christmas that rarely matches real life. That gap between fantasy and reality is where a lot of emotional and financial stress begins.
2. Stress Spending Is a Nervous System Response
“We go straight into the limbic system.”
When we shop under pressure, the rational part of the brain steps aside. Stress activates cortisol and adrenaline, and spending becomes a way to release that energy. The dopamine hit from buying brings short-term relief, even if it does not last.
3. Dopamine Can Create a Spending Loop
“There is a little bit of an addictive component to it.”
That quick relief can make spending feel tempting to repeat, especially during an intense season. This is not about weak willpower. It is about how our brains respond to stress, excitement, and urgency when everything is happening at once.
4. Your Body Often Knows Before You Do
“If your heart is racing or your hands are clammy.”
Emotional spending often shows up physically. Feeling rushed, tense, or panicky before buying is a sign the purchase may be driven by stress rather than intention. Calmer purchases tend to feel more grounded and connected to the person you are buying for.
5. Planning Protects Joy, It Does Not Ruin It
“Preparing is the key.”
Budgets, lists, and limits can feel unromantic, but they prevent regret, self-criticism, and January stress. Planning helps avoid relying on credit or buy now, pay later to get through December, which many people underestimate until it is too late.
6. Price Is Not the Same as Care
“We don’t attach a price tag to a gift.”
There is a strong cultural link between spending and showing love. In reality, thoughtfulness, time, and connection matter more than cost. Expensive gifts are often forgotten, while meaningful or shared experiences tend to last.
7. Shame Thrives When Money Stays Taboo
“Whenever we talk about money, there’s shame attached.”
Overspending often comes with guilt and embarrassment, especially when money feels hard to talk about. Recognising how seductive marketing is can reduce self-blame. Emotional spending is human. The problem starts when it leads to harm later.
8. Our Childhood Shapes How We Give
“That’s where we learn.”
Early experiences with money and holidays shape how we approach gifting as adults. Talking about these differences with partners or family can reduce tension and help align expectations before emotions run high.
9. Clear Boundaries Create Calm
“People understand it when there are rules.”
Approaches like Secret Santa or agreed spending limits reduce comparison and anxiety. Clear boundaries give people relief because expectations are shared. Creativity and thought tend to stand out more when the rules are simple.
10. Compassion Changes the Pattern
“Be compassionate towards yourself.”
If you overspend, harsh self-criticism rarely helps. Looking at what drove the behaviour with curiosity and kindness makes it less likely to repeat. A simple pause helps too. Asking “will this still matter in January?” can interrupt stress-driven spending before it happens.
RESOURCES
Connect with Holli Rubin at https://www.hollirubin.com/
